I fought myself

I never thought I would climb a mountain!

Seriously, within the past 2 and a half years I was beginning to feel like I would never be able to climb a mountain. I was too fatigued and weak at times to even think about ever doing it. Since 2018, anytime I would have to take a flight of stairs or walk up an incline, Marcus would be there to help push me up so I would not become too exasperated. It became so normal, I would not even have to ask Marcus for help, he would just be there, place his hands gently on my back, and push.

Understanding the power of words, I have been being careful to not claim sickness or speak it over my life. What I did not realize is that I had internalized it to the point where I thought that I was incapable of doing some things because of how I felt. God had already told me that I was healed and I was also declaring it, but I did not put action to my faith. James 2:17 states “Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.” I can’t just say that I am healed, but not actively do the things that I think I cannot do. There may have been a time where I could not do them, but now is the time to walk by faith and not by sight (feelings).

My friend, Jasmine and I agreed upon going to the mountains for our first friends’ vacation at the last minute, and I was not prepared at all to go hiking. I did not have time to purchase sneakers so I had to walk in my casual flats. She researched one of the shortest and easiest trails that would be doable for both of our families. Once we got to the trail, I complained like a whiny baby. I was really hoping to not destroy everyone’s good mood, and Jasmine’s excitement, but my flesh was warring against me.

My flesh was saying, “this is too much,” I can’t do this. I’m too tired. Will I pass out if I push myself too hard. I can’t make it.

I kept pushing through my verbal complaints. Right at the very end, it got more steep and with the help of my husband literally pushing me up, I pushed through. I made it to the top! Though I had to sit for a few to catch my breath, I looked around and marvelled at the view. It was not until a day later that it really hit me, that I did it! Jasmine, whether she knew or not, has been pushing me and calling me higher in many ways. I feel like the Lord has been using this divine connection to help bring healing and restoration to my life. If it had been Marcus trying to get me to go up the mountain, I would have declined no matter how hard he tried. God knew exactly what I needed and for that I am forever grateful.

My faith that I could do it, coupled with me actually hiking up the mountain has awakened something inside of me. I am more than capable. I can do this. I am not too tired or weak. I can make it.

What have you been enduring in your life for so long that you have begun to identify yourself by it? God wants you to identify yourself by His standards and who he has called you to be. Choose to walk by faith and not by what you see daily. Push past the struggle and cling to Jesus. When it seems too hard, get in some quiet time with God, and maybe even call that friend that encourages you and sees you as Healed, Whole, Lovely, etc.

You can do it! Philippians 4:13

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: