After 13 of years of marriage, it is easy to lose sight of the reason I wanted to marry Carol in the first place. I was young when we first met so looks played a big role in my attraction to her. I would often hear older people say looks aren’t everything when you get older. As a young man, my response was looks aren’t everything, but they sure are a lot. I don’t want an ugly chick.
What was I looking for:
I knew that when I got into a relationship with a woman, it wasn’t just to date. I didn’t see the purpose of dating a person that I didn’t want to make my wife. If she wasn’t wife-material then, I didn’t want to date her. I didn’t want to waste her time or my time. When Carol and I started dating, I knew she had qualities I cherished in a wife and I was willing to explore more to see if we really had the same values. It was very important to me to have a wife that would love me and our children when we started having them. It was imperative that I had a wife that would be loyal, supportive, & loving.
What’s the point
You may say all that is great, but why get married? Why not just date, live together, have kids, and if one day it doesn’t work then you are not tied or stuck? I heard that excuse for years, but it never sat well with me. It just seemed like a reason not to commit, or as if the person was already looking for a reason to leave if things get rough. I learned very early in our marriage that marriage is work, but it takes two individuals committed to God who are willing to fight to honor God and one another. I wanted to get married because I didn’t want to live life with an excuse of why I couldn’t commit, but more importantly I wanted to try to do things God’s way. I figured if God created us, designed us, and encourages us to get married, then He can show me how to stay married and how to have a blessed marriage. I found Proverbs 18:22 which says “he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” There is a Blessing from God that comes when you find a wife. Do you see that? A wife is a “Good Thing.”
When you get married, you must change your perspective. Sure the wedding is amazing. You are gathered with friends, family, and people you love. It is a joyous moment, but at some point when all that is over, you will have to remember “WHY” you got married in the first place. For me, the things that I must remember are:
- I didn’t want to do life alone. I wanted some one I could build a legacy with and I carefully chose Carol.
- I wanted someone who would honor God more than me and who would push me to walk closer to Jesus.
- Most importantly, I wanted to do things God’s way and get the favor that comes with marriage.
When Carol and I have our arguments, which all couples do, instead of looking for an opportunity to run, I look back at “WHY” I got married. The only one that can sustain my marriage is Jesus, and the closer we get to Him as a couple, the closer we get to each other. The Lord put a Blessing on marriages, so when you are tempted to question your decision, take a moment to look at why you got married and remember that together you are unstoppable and that God is eager to Bless you.