Feeling Invalid as a Wife?

Ok so this post is coming from my own experience as a wife…even a daughter.

Something finally clicked on Wednesday night.  So I had an idea I wanted to share with my husband, a project that seemed like would be great for the both of us to start together. I was feeling so inspired and excited, but as I began to tell him about the project, it felt like what I was saying was unimportant — as if my idea was probably a bad idea and a waste of his time to even consider listening to. I then felt extremely discouraged and did not want to continue sharing my proposal. (It is not like he ever shoots my ideas down or never listens to me…the thing is, I know he actually values my opinions, views, and ideas). Unlike other times though,  I decided to share my true feelings with him at that moment. Usually I would have said, “nevermind, it’s not important” (even if he tried to get me to tell him anyways). When I shared with him, he began to remind me of the scripture that discusses how we have to take every thought captive to the obedience of God.  Read 2 Corinthians 10:1-5. Though I already knew to do that, it definitely felt good to be reminded of that. I was feeling invalid from negative thoughts, but when I chose to share them with my husband (head of the household, spiritual leader, etc) I began to feel important. I felt that he cared enough to pull me out of the pit that I quickly fell in.  The sad thing is, what I was proposing is far from being something bad, but it is actually going to be used to minister and provide hope to any and everyone who will receive it. I know that is exactly why I was immediately attacked.

If you have been married for at least over 6 months (maybe less), you may have encountered situations with your spouse where you subconsciously take on the role of your parent within their marriage.  For example, I have quite a few similarities to my mom and I began to notice it more when I married. I am a very independent strong-willed person, I am a planner, I love to analyze (almost everything), I love helping others (especially my husband), and sometimes I can be quite expressive…which may not be expressed too well.  Well I also began to look back at how my parents handled situations and even conversed. One thing I do remember is how my mom would try to offer advice or sometimes she would propose something to my dad that would obviously help, but unfortunately it seemed that her help was not wanted. Our main purpose as wives are to be helpers and if our help is not wanted by our spouses, it can be very hurtful and over time we may begin to not understand our role as wives.  Now I am not trying to bash anyone for their past, but what I am trying to convey is that sometimes we may carry over the culture from our homes as youth into our marriage. In many ways that can be harmful to your own family because the two of you are now ONE and you need to create your own culture based on the foundation of Christ (of course you can use advice and experiences from others that are godly to help you).

Basically, I assumed that I was not as useful as a wife and almost like I should be seen and not heard (when it comes to starting new projects, ideas, etc). Finally, opening up to my husband was just what I needed to BREAKTHROUGH that wrong thinking!

Wives: You are valid, your opinions matter, you are NOT worthless, you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Ask God to help you be the perfect helper/mate for your spouse. Ask Him to help you learn to submit to your husband. We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus and greater is He that is in us that he that is in the world! Pray over yourselves, your husbands and families daily and take ALL negative thoughts captive in Jesus’ name.

Husbands: Pray over your wives DAILY. Allow them to be the helpers that God has called them to be. Show her love and help her be able to willingly submit to your authority as the leader of the home.

Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

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